I have been having a rebellion of sorts with my church. They are a wonderful oganization. They do good things. They are active in the community. I just don't feel " a part of things" there anymore. Members of this church are well respected members of the community... former coucil members, the former mayor, intellectuals from the universities, etc. I stopped going to Sunday School a while ago because it has become so highbrow. I'm not an idiot, I'm prety smart, but I have a very difficult time discussing things because they are almost "too" intellectual. I'm not a college professor. I'm a lay person... and when I leave Sunday School with a headache and feeling frustrated every Sunday, I can't really say that's motivation for me to contiue.
I voiced my opinions to the pastor and to the adult education committee. They said "well, why don't YOU teach a class?" So I thought I would have some type of bible study/discussion group for moms. Wonderful they said. So I begin looking at materials and they wouldn't approve any of those I had chosen. I asked, well then can I have some help picking some appropriate materials? I haven't heard from them since.
I helped create a "Young-ish Adult" group for people in late 30's early 40's so we could get together once a month. Childcare is provided, so it's an opportunity for those with really young children to have a date night and free childcare. My pastor likes to sit down with me to come up with ideas for activities. This includes ME coming up with the ideas, and him shooting down my ideas or approving others. Then it's up to me to organize everything. When I was a student, this wasn't a problem, and it made me feel a part of things. But often times those who say they will come never do, no one RSVP's, and I end up doing loads of work for nothing.
Basically, I'm feeling very unappreciated. And before you say that service to my God isn't about feeling appreciated, it's not about my faith... or my personal beliefs, this is about my church community and my sense of belonging. We are made for service, to care for each other. I'm not feeling the caring from others in my church right now. At work this doesn't bother me. I'm constantly out there with people who need help... who need my servies. But those clients are appreciative and make me feel that the work I do has meaning and is worthwhile. I'm not getting that from my church commnity anymore.
Maybe I'm just being selfish, or self-centered. I just know it doesn't feel good for me to go there anymore. My husband said we can find another church, but he's an elder there. And the teenager loves the youth group there. Do I just suck it up... and keep going there? Or do I just find something else on my own? :-/ I really don't know anymore.
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ReplyDeletePrayer. Get on your knees and go directly to our Father in Heaven. Ask Him what He wants you to do...not what you can do to feel better about what you are doing or not doing.
I've gone through these times, only to realize later that I'd made it all about me. We feel what we need to when we lose ourselves in the service of others.
BUT...first find out "what" He wants you to do. Maybe the things you've set up or ideas you've had are not in His time right now, but there is something else He needs for which you are needed.
Another fun thing to do....make some cookies or send a card to a member of your church (on a weekly basis). Don't let them know who you are. Anonymous giving is the best and it makes others feel loved, too. They end up being nice to everyone because they don't know who cared enough to think of them.
:)
I love you, sis! :)
Katie, social work is my calling. It's a TON of work and stress, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the work I do. It's rewarding spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally.... I feel that by serving these people I am serving God. Maybe I'm just not feeling that at my church anymore and it's time to move on. I don't know. It's hard when my husband and kids love it there. I'm just not feeling the love. :/
ReplyDeleteI agree that prayer is the first thing to do. Honest sincere prayer from a heart that is willing to obey even if you don't like the answer.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what, I know that you wouldn't want to attend a different church from your husband and kids. Your family is a unit, not something to be divided every sunday.